“DO what needs to be done,
AND check to see if it was
impossible
only
after
you
are
done
.”
Paul Hawken – Entrepreneur
My Heart, My Heart
“And where are you off too Dear One?” said the Rabbit, “Where, but where do you run?”
“Oh but I’m running Dear Rabbit,” said the big-eyed girl, “I’m running, running away!”
“Yes, but where is it that you are running Dear One?” exclaimed the Rabbit, “Where, but where?”
“…Well, i don’t know Dear Rabbit…I don’t know where…only that I must, I must,” said the scared-eyed girl.
“Running without a where?!” shouted the Rabbit. “Running without a where?! No such thing! You have to know where you are going! You have to know what you are doing! Well, what will you ever do if you get lost? Trapped? Alone? Broken? What ever will you do?!”
“…Why Dear Rabbit, I don’t know…I don’t know what ever will I do…I don’t know…” said the soul-eyed girl.
“All I know is that my heart, my heart says I must.”
Filed under Uncategorized
I hate that you…
I hate that you
made me think that I was weak
that I was meek
that I was childish
that I was a child
as an adolescent
as an adult
.
I hate that you made me
make me
feel useless
worthless
.
But now,
now…
that you are scared
that you are older
that you are getting old…
you are afraid
.
You are afraid
of being alone
and stuck
with no one
nothing
no help…alone
.
And now,
now…
you turn to me.
Now,
now,
you want my help.
You cry,
you pine,
you hint
hint hint hint
damn your hints
damn them.
Damn you.
Damn you…for thinking
thinking that you
can turn around
and want me now…
when you don’t want me,
but you want something for yourself.
It’s about you.
Always about you.
Well damn you.
Damn you.
You’ve fucked me over,
you’ve fucked me up,
fuck you.
STOP IT. STOP MAKING ME FEEL OLD. STOP MAKING ME FEEL OLD, STUCK, ALONE.
THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE ANYTHING OR ANYONE BECAUSE I WILL BE STUCK WITH YOU.
THAT’S NOT FAIR.
THAT’S NOT FAIR.
please…please…please dear Jesus…stop…leave me alone…leave me alone…
leave me
please
leave
me
.
Filed under Uncategorized
He’s in Love…
Tonight I found out
that
…he’s in love.
He’s in love
but
she
is
not
me.
To be fair
he didn’t know
I loved him
…I suppose.
I suppose. To be fair.
But…
tell that to my heart.
The heart doesn’t understand what is fair.
It only understands
that it
hurts.
It only understands
that it hurts
that love hurts.
And it asks
why.
why
why
why
do you do this to your heart
?
why
do you put it through such pain
?
why
.
leave it alone.
and so eventually it learns to stop loving
to stop feeling
so it doesn’t risk the hurt again.
it grows cold.
it goes dead.
you grow jaded
you go rigid.
guarded.
you guard your heart.
Stay out damn love, stay out damn hurt, stay out
stop feeling, stop thinking, stop wanting, stop hoping, stop willing
stop stop stop
it only aches
it
only
aches.
Maybe,
no,
it is
all that you
deserve.
And you say,
heart, damn heart…I’m sorry…
I’m sorry for bestowing this grief unto you.
What did I do…what have I done
to harm you?
I’ve done too much
not enough.
I’ve wronged.
And you
must pay
the penance.
Be still my heart.
Be still.
I will guard you and keep out the love that hurts you.
Filed under Uncategorized
Bittered Soul…
BECAUSE suffering eats at our souls;
Until one day…
we are NOT able to free ourselves
from the BITTERNESS
& it stays
with us
the rest
of our
lives.
.
Filed under Uncategorized
Can’t do it…
Can’t do it anymore
can’t do it
tried
trying
tried
gave up
gave in
why
why
why
no excuses
no excuses
it’s weak
taking the easy way out
I take the easy way out
because the hard way
is
too
damn
hard
……
but the truth is
that the hard way
is too damn hard for me.
and I’m too big of a wimp
to have faith
to try
to say
fuck you to that which harms me
instead
I give in
….
what i eat….
is actually
eating
me.
Filed under Uncategorized
