Monthly Archives: May 2012

Heart broken

They will tell you

that you are stupid

they will tell you that you are dumb

they will tell you that you are hopeless

confused

unworthy

unfocused

shit

They will tell you.

and it will leave you

heart broken

broken heart.

And you will beg

beg

for

them

to give

give your heart,

to give your heart

a

break.

 

 

 

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Full Up…

When I think about it, I can see the root of my problem.

I can see that I don’t try to change hard enough because in my heart, I don’t think I deserve it.

There are people in my life that would beat me down to submission,

telling me they don’t have a good life,

they don’t have happiness,

they don’t have peace

and, thus

I shouldn’t either.

I don’t deserve it.

And so instead,

instead,

I eat, I binge,

I full up

through tears,

through anger

through sadness

I full up

because I cannot handle the anger, the jealously, the backlash

of trying to be

someone

better.

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I’m Scared

Good God

I’m scared

Every day it’s more of the same

Every day I say it’s the last day I’ll abuse my body

…but I lie

…I panic

…I surrender to the binging, the food, the pain,

I surrender.

It’s too late

it’s too late…

I’m too late

to ever ever ever

be good enough again.

I’m ruined.

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Pleasure and Pain

“THE only thing that made me feel better about myself was eating…

THE only thing that made me feel worse about myself was more eating.”

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