Full Up…

When I think about it, I can see the root of my problem.

I can see that I don’t try to change hard enough because in my heart, I don’t think I deserve it.

There are people in my life that would beat me down to submission,

telling me they don’t have a good life,

they don’t have happiness,

they don’t have peace

and, thus

I shouldn’t either.

I don’t deserve it.

And so instead,

instead,

I eat, I binge,

I full up

through tears,

through anger

through sadness

I full up

because I cannot handle the anger, the jealously, the backlash

of trying to be

someone

better.