Tag Archives: Hurt

I hate that you…

I hate that you

made me think that I was weak

that I was meek

that I was childish

that I was a child

as an adolescent

as an adult

.

I hate that you made me

make me

feel useless

worthless

.

But now,

now…

that you are scared

that you are older

that you are getting old…

you are afraid

.

You are afraid

of being alone

and stuck

with no one

nothing

no help…alone

.

And now,

now…

you turn to me.

Now,

now,

you want my help.

You cry,

you pine,

you hint

hint hint hint

damn your hints

damn them.

Damn you.

Damn you…for thinking

thinking that you

can turn around

and want me now…

when you don’t want me,

but you want something for yourself.

It’s about you.

Always about you.

Well damn you.

Damn you.

You’ve fucked me over,

you’ve fucked me up,

fuck you.

STOP IT. STOP MAKING ME FEEL OLD. STOP MAKING ME FEEL OLD, STUCK, ALONE.

THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE ANYTHING OR ANYONE BECAUSE I WILL BE STUCK WITH YOU.

THAT’S NOT FAIR.

THAT’S NOT FAIR.

please…please…please dear Jesus…stop…leave me alone…leave me alone…

leave me

please

leave

me

.

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He’s in Love…

Tonight I found out

that

…he’s in love.

He’s in love

but

she

is

not

me.

To be fair

he didn’t know

I loved him

…I suppose.

I suppose. To be fair.

But…

tell that to my heart.

The heart doesn’t understand what is fair.

It only understands

that it

hurts.

It only understands

that it hurts

that love hurts.

And it asks

why.

why

why

why

do you do this to your heart

?

why

do you put it through such pain

?

why

.

leave it alone.

and so eventually it learns to stop loving

to stop feeling

so it doesn’t risk the hurt again.

it grows cold.

it goes dead.

you grow jaded

you go rigid.

guarded.

you guard your heart.

Stay out damn love, stay out damn hurt, stay out

stop feeling, stop thinking, stop wanting, stop hoping, stop willing

stop stop stop

it only aches

it

only

aches.

Maybe,

no,

it is

all that you

deserve.

And you say,

heart, damn heart…I’m sorry…

I’m sorry for bestowing this grief unto you.

What did I do…what have I done

to harm you?

I’ve done too much

not enough.

I’ve wronged.

And you

must pay

the penance.

Be still my heart.

Be still.

I will guard you and keep out the love that hurts you.

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They Will Tell You…

When you’re at your worst

 

They will tell you there is hope,

but you won’t believe it

 

They will tell you there is beauty,

but you won’t see it

 

They will tell you there is love,

but you won’t feel it

 

They will tell you it’s never too late,

but…you know that it already is.

 

What they don’t tell you are the things that they don’t know.

 

They don’t know

that you exist in a state of hopelessness and fear.

Unloved and unloving.

Uglier and uglied.

Pained and scarred….

Burned from regrets

and shame, and guilt and anger.

Utter pure evil anger burning inside of you…

 

They don’t tell you because they don’t know…

but you know.

You know

that those burns will stay with you forever.

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