Tag Archives: Life

My Heart, My Heart

“And where are you off too Dear One?” said the Rabbit, “Where, but where do you run?”

“Oh but I’m running Dear Rabbit,” said the big-eyed girl, “I’m running, running away!”

“Yes, but where is it that you are running Dear One?” exclaimed the Rabbit, “Where, but where?”

“…Well, i don’t know Dear Rabbit…I don’t know where…only that I must, I must,” said the scared-eyed girl.

“Running without a where?!” shouted the Rabbit. “Running without a where?! No such thing! You have to know where you are going! You have to know what you are doing! Well, what will you ever do if you get lost? Trapped? Alone? Broken? What ever will you do?!”

“…Why Dear Rabbit, I don’t know…I don’t know what ever will I do…I don’t know…” said the soul-eyed girl.

“All I know is that my heart, my heart says I must.”

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You didn’t know…

You won’t remember

but I do.

I remember.

I remember

Christmas

anger

screaming

tears

Storming up stairs

closing the door

locking it

hiding behind locked door.

 

But you didn’t know

what happened after,

did you?

 

You didn’t know that I

did not cry myself to sleep

curled into a ball.

 

No.

 

You didn’t know…

that what I really did

was sit

sit

sit

in front of the wall

below the window

in front of the bed

in the corner

in the dark.

 

And I stared.

Stared

at the empty dark wall

with a stoic face

with dried tears

with an empty soul.

 

You didn’t know

that that’s where I think I learned…

I learned…

I learned to be numb.

 

 

 

 

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I don’t know…yet.

They will ask you where you are going

you can’t say

because you don’t know

yet.

They will ask you why you are going

you can’t tell them

because you don’t know

yet.

They will ask you why don’t you know where and why

yet?

You should know!

You should know…

But

you know you should know…

but you don’t.

You will want to cry…

…scream

….tell them to stop….

they are scaring you,

scaring you,

because you don’t know

and you should.

And you should.

If you stop for a moment,

and breathe

in

out

you will know to tell them

to fuck off.

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Heart broken

They will tell you

that you are stupid

they will tell you that you are dumb

they will tell you that you are hopeless

confused

unworthy

unfocused

shit

They will tell you.

and it will leave you

heart broken

broken heart.

And you will beg

beg

for

them

to give

give your heart,

to give your heart

a

break.

 

 

 

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