Tag Archives: Poetry

My Heart, My Heart

“And where are you off too Dear One?” said the Rabbit, “Where, but where do you run?”

“Oh but I’m running Dear Rabbit,” said the big-eyed girl, “I’m running, running away!”

“Yes, but where is it that you are running Dear One?” exclaimed the Rabbit, “Where, but where?”

“…Well, i don’t know Dear Rabbit…I don’t know where…only that I must, I must,” said the scared-eyed girl.

“Running without a where?!” shouted the Rabbit. “Running without a where?! No such thing! You have to know where you are going! You have to know what you are doing! Well, what will you ever do if you get lost? Trapped? Alone? Broken? What ever will you do?!”

“…Why Dear Rabbit, I don’t know…I don’t know what ever will I do…I don’t know…” said the soul-eyed girl.

“All I know is that my heart, my heart says I must.”

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I hate that you…

I hate that you

made me think that I was weak

that I was meek

that I was childish

that I was a child

as an adolescent

as an adult

.

I hate that you made me

make me

feel useless

worthless

.

But now,

now…

that you are scared

that you are older

that you are getting old…

you are afraid

.

You are afraid

of being alone

and stuck

with no one

nothing

no help…alone

.

And now,

now…

you turn to me.

Now,

now,

you want my help.

You cry,

you pine,

you hint

hint hint hint

damn your hints

damn them.

Damn you.

Damn you…for thinking

thinking that you

can turn around

and want me now…

when you don’t want me,

but you want something for yourself.

It’s about you.

Always about you.

Well damn you.

Damn you.

You’ve fucked me over,

you’ve fucked me up,

fuck you.

STOP IT. STOP MAKING ME FEEL OLD. STOP MAKING ME FEEL OLD, STUCK, ALONE.

THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE ANYTHING OR ANYONE BECAUSE I WILL BE STUCK WITH YOU.

THAT’S NOT FAIR.

THAT’S NOT FAIR.

please…please…please dear Jesus…stop…leave me alone…leave me alone…

leave me

please

leave

me

.

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He’s in Love…

Tonight I found out

that

…he’s in love.

He’s in love

but

she

is

not

me.

To be fair

he didn’t know

I loved him

…I suppose.

I suppose. To be fair.

But…

tell that to my heart.

The heart doesn’t understand what is fair.

It only understands

that it

hurts.

It only understands

that it hurts

that love hurts.

And it asks

why.

why

why

why

do you do this to your heart

?

why

do you put it through such pain

?

why

.

leave it alone.

and so eventually it learns to stop loving

to stop feeling

so it doesn’t risk the hurt again.

it grows cold.

it goes dead.

you grow jaded

you go rigid.

guarded.

you guard your heart.

Stay out damn love, stay out damn hurt, stay out

stop feeling, stop thinking, stop wanting, stop hoping, stop willing

stop stop stop

it only aches

it

only

aches.

Maybe,

no,

it is

all that you

deserve.

And you say,

heart, damn heart…I’m sorry…

I’m sorry for bestowing this grief unto you.

What did I do…what have I done

to harm you?

I’ve done too much

not enough.

I’ve wronged.

And you

must pay

the penance.

Be still my heart.

Be still.

I will guard you and keep out the love that hurts you.

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Bittered Soul…

BECAUSE suffering eats at our souls;

Until one day…

we are NOT able to free ourselves

from the BITTERNESS

& it stays

with us

the rest

of our

lives.

.

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You didn’t know…

You won’t remember

but I do.

I remember.

I remember

Christmas

anger

screaming

tears

Storming up stairs

closing the door

locking it

hiding behind locked door.

 

But you didn’t know

what happened after,

did you?

 

You didn’t know that I

did not cry myself to sleep

curled into a ball.

 

No.

 

You didn’t know…

that what I really did

was sit

sit

sit

in front of the wall

below the window

in front of the bed

in the corner

in the dark.

 

And I stared.

Stared

at the empty dark wall

with a stoic face

with dried tears

with an empty soul.

 

You didn’t know

that that’s where I think I learned…

I learned…

I learned to be numb.

 

 

 

 

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I don’t know…yet.

They will ask you where you are going

you can’t say

because you don’t know

yet.

They will ask you why you are going

you can’t tell them

because you don’t know

yet.

They will ask you why don’t you know where and why

yet?

You should know!

You should know…

But

you know you should know…

but you don’t.

You will want to cry…

…scream

….tell them to stop….

they are scaring you,

scaring you,

because you don’t know

and you should.

And you should.

If you stop for a moment,

and breathe

in

out

you will know to tell them

to fuck off.

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Heart broken

They will tell you

that you are stupid

they will tell you that you are dumb

they will tell you that you are hopeless

confused

unworthy

unfocused

shit

They will tell you.

and it will leave you

heart broken

broken heart.

And you will beg

beg

for

them

to give

give your heart,

to give your heart

a

break.

 

 

 

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